mura (mura) — 付けたレビュー

元の翻訳
Hello.
I have sent you an email on June 22nd, regarding to the sample order .
Hope you received it ok. and I have been waiting for your reply.

Also, when do you think I will receive a contract document?

We would like to introduce this product to Japan market very soon.
I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Kind regards,

修正後
Hello.
I (have) sent you an email on June 22nd, regarding to the sample order .
Hope you received it ok. and I （have been waiting） for your reply. (これなら今まで待っていたことになって、前半のよんでもらえましたか、という文章とは若干むすびつかないのでは。I will be waiting for とか I am waiting for にしなければ、まっています、にはならないと思います

Also, when do you think I will receive a contract document?

We would like to introduce this product to Japan market very soon.
I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Kind regards,

元の翻訳
I'm trying to buy now.
Currently, I'm on payment screen.
Can I change to 20 products of XXX?↵

Thank you for arranging with FEDEX.

修正後
I'm trying to buy　now.
Currently, I'm on (the と冠詞があったほうがいいのでは？お互いわかっている画面ですから）payment screen.
Can I change (the number of XXX to 20 pieces？product は一つの製品というのに近いと私はおもうのですが） to 20 products of XXX?　
Thank you for arranging with FEDEX.

元の翻訳
I would like to sell your product at amazon.co.jp and my own internet shop .
I'd like permission to do so.
Thank you in advance.

修正後
I would like to sell your product at amazon.co.jp and my own internet shop .
I'd like permission to do so. わかりますが、冠詞に類するものはあったほうがいいです。↵
（I'd like your permission to do so.とyourがあったほうがいいと思います）
Thank you in advance.

元の翻訳
We have received your message regarding your items. There is a great possibility that they are lost. We're considering to take care of this problem by full refund or by resending the same items.

What would you like us to do?

修正後
We have received (the report from the delivery company) (your messageではありません） regarding your items. There is a great possibility that they are lost. We're considering to take care of this problem by full refund or by resending the same items.

What would you like us to do?

元の翻訳
Thank you for your reply. I am very honored to be able to enter my works. I have already heard from my friend the other day about the budget cut in Holland and also about Likes Academy. There were some opinions that the situations might be a little better in Japan.

Well, I can send you the movie data that I showed to you at the studio. I will send you some movie clips just to make sure which ones I have already showed to you.

Please take a look at the data, and it will be great if you give me explanation scripts, and tell me how they will be exhibited.

修正後
Thank you for your reply. I am very honored to be able to enter my works. I have already heard from my friend the other day about the budget cut in Holland and also about Likes Academy. There were some opinions that the situations might be a little better in Japan.

Well, I can send you the movie data (大阪がぬけている）that I showed to you at the studio. I will send you some movie clips just to make sure which ones I have already showed to you.

Please take a look at the data, and it will be great if you give me explanation scripts, and tell me how they will be exhibited.

元の翻訳
However, I believe it will be a better idea to clarify artist fee at first. We do not wish for too much of it, but it will be great if we can receive as much fee as you can offer.

Also, I'd like to meet Mr/Ms. M in person, since we have never met.

I really wish that this exhibition be successful since this is based on detailed researches in Japan.

I'm also planning with other residents so that K can make a visit during exhibition period.

I hope to hear from you.

修正後
However, I believe it will be a better idea to clarify artist fee at first (at first は最初は、で firstまず、ではないでしょうか）. We do not wish for　(for 不要では？） too much of it, but it will be great if we can receive as much fee as you can offer.

Also, I'd like to meet Mr/Ms. M in person, since we have never met　(him/herが必要では）

I really wish that this exhibition be successful since this is based on detailed researches in Japan.

I'm also planning with other residents so that K can make a visit during exhibition period. （Ｋというのは人なのか、ある場所なのか？日本語ではわかりませんですね。でも文面からすると場所なのでは））

I hope to hear from you.

元の翻訳
Regarding order

To Whom It May Concern,

Hello. I am ○○ in Japan.

I was wondering if I could purchase a following product in your store.
If possible, please let me know if you have any stock and how much it would be including shipping cost.

I'd like to pay via Paypal or VISA.
I'm ok with any way for shipping as you like.
Also, it would be helpful if you could let me know when you would ship.
I am looking forward to hearing from you. Thank you.

修正後
Regarding order

To Whom It May Concern,

Hello. I am ○○ in Japan.

I was （amではないですか）wondering if I could purchase a following product in your store.
If possible, please let me know if you have any stock and how much it would be including shipping cost.

I'd like to pay via Paypal or VISA.
I'm ok with any way for shipping as you like.
Also, it would be helpful if you could let me know when you would ship　（多分他動詞としての扱いだから、itが必要では？）.
I am looking forward to hearing from you. Thank you.

元の翻訳
I'm sorry this is late.

I refunded you via PayPal right now.

Please confirm.

Thank you!!

修正後
I'm sorry this is late. (厳密にはthisがなにかわからない。I'm sorry for this late replyなどならはっきりわかる）

I refunded you via PayPal right now.　（right nowは”いますぐやります”、”現在・・・進行中です”とか現在、未来などに適していると思いますが。just now なら”たった今”など時制を問わず使えるのでそれの方がいいかもしれない。

Please confirm.

Thank you!!

元の翻訳
I sincerely apologise for the inconvenience caused this time.
It seems our company's employees have failed to notice your email, and thus did not reply.
I am very sorry about this.
We will send you this product once more, in perfect packaging.
Of course, we will not charge you for this.
We will ensure that such things do not happen again.
As such, can we please ask that you revise your feedback after you have received your new and perfectly packaged product?
It will become a serious problem for the seller otherwise, we will greatly appreciate if you would please kindly agree to our offer.

修正後
I sincerely apologise for the inconvenience (weが必要　他人事のように聞こえる。日本人的発送かもしれませんが) caused this time.
It seems our company's employees have failed to notice your email, and thus did not reply.
I am very sorry about this.
We will send you this product once more, in perfect packaging.
Of course, we will not charge you for this.
We will ensure that such things do not happen again.
As such, can we please ask that you revise your feedback after you (willが必要なのでは、現在完了形ではないので）　have received your　(ourではないですか） new and perfectly packaged product?
It will become a serious problem for the seller　（us sellersではないですか） otherwise, （接続詞がありません）we will greatly appreciate if you would please kindly agree to our offer.

元の翻訳
Thank you for purchasing our product.
I hope you liked the item.

If you still looking for another cool and high-quality
Japan made dolls, please let me know.

We have a several manufactures dealing with.
It would be able to response to your needs and satisfy you.

If you like, please purchase a product from ABCD SHOP.

修正後
Thank you for purchasing our product.
I hope you liked the item.

If you still looking for another cool and high-quality
Japan made dolls, please let me know.

We have a （a は不要ではないのですか？)↵
several manufactures dealing with (これではわからないと思います。私がまちがっているかもしれませんが。several manufatures with whom we are dealing withでは）↵

It would be able to response to your needs and satisfy you.（ここは完全に間違っていると思います。It would be able to response to youのところ です。文法的にでも、どうしても。We think we will be able to meet your needs and satisfy youとか。

If you like, please purchase a product from ABCD SHOP.↵
(ここですが、 a product 一個かってもらったらいいような表現ですね。if you like, please buy more products at ABCD↵
・・・）

元の翻訳
Thank you very much for buying from our shop this time.

We feel very happy if you would love this product so much.

If you want to look for the other high quality Japanese figure, don’t hesitate to contact us.

We have a lot of source of supplier.
We are sure to have you satisfied with a product you want.

If you will have a opportunity to visit our ABCD shop, please choose one you want. We are always at your service.

Thank you and regards.

修正後
Thank you very much for buying from our shop this time.

We feel very happy if you would love this product so much.

If you want to look for the other high quality Japanese figure　（figuresだと思います）, don’t hesitate to contact us.（これは日本人的には失礼なと、please contact us at any time.など）

We have a lot of source of supplier.　（suppliersと複数がいります）
We are sure to have you satisfied with a product you want.
products you wantではないでしょうか。一個だけならそれでいいですが）↵

If you will have a opportunity to visit our ABCD shop, please choose one you want. We are always at your service.　（Please visit our ABCD shop again to buy our goods. くらいでいいのでないでしょうか。できるだけ簡単に）↵


Thank you and regards.

元の翻訳
I am so relieved that you have received the item safely.

I am sorry.

I couldn't recognized the failure.

As you wish, I will refund 50 euros.

I am so sorry for what happened.

修正後
I am so relieved that you have received the item safely.

I am sorry.

I couldn't recognized the failure.

As you wish, I will refund 50 euros.

I am so sorry for what happened.
(ここのところ、なにか日本人的でも、無責任ないいかたと思いますが。私のほうで迷惑をかけたのだから、I am so sorry to have troubled you とか have casused trouble for you とか↵
まあ、間違いではありませんが。）↵

元の翻訳
Thank you for making time for me yesterday.
It was really fun talking with you.

Anyway, can you send me a sample of the product before you ship 20 of them that I asked yesterday? I would like the one with 27.2mm width. I'd like to check the quality of the item first.


You can ship my order of 20 of those items, in the end of July.

If possible, please send 1 sample as soon as possible. I don't mind if I have to pay extra. Also please contact me with payment method.
It would be great if I can pay by credit card or PayPal.

Thank you. Hoping for the great trade with you in a future.

修正後
Thank you for making time for me yesterday.
It was really fun talking with you.

Anyway, can you send me a sample of the product before you ship 20 of them (them とするとどこにも前に複数形のものがないのでproduct before you ship 20 pieces　なら誤解がないか？)　that I asked yesterday? I would like the one with 27.2mm width. I'd like to check the quality of the item first.


You can ship （my order of 20 of those items は私の注文を出荷するということでおかしい？ the 20 pieces that I ordered , in the end of July　（これはat the end of Julyです）.

If possible, please send 1 sample as soon as possible. I don't mind if I have to pay extra　（extra はほとんど 形容詞の使い方だけですから、extra chargeにしたほうがいいと思います）. Also please contact me with（ここはconcerning theのほうがはっきりすると思います） payment method.
It would be great if I can pay by credit card or PayPal.

Thank you. Hoping for the great trade with you in a future.

元の翻訳
I would like to know how much (%) discount I get.
Could you please advise me the price of the product after the discount?
I will let you know the products I would like to buy later.

修正後
I would like to know how much (%) discount I get.
Could you please advise me the price of the product after the discount?
I will let you know the products I would like to buy later.
↵
↵
↵

元の翻訳
Nagano Winter Olympic Games Second / Unused coin / 1 item
Ine 50 Sen, Silver coins, Year-40 of Meiji / 1 items
These can be seen unused one with some small scratch - only by my view
Tempo Tsu-ho / 1 item
The Republic of China Year-3 / 1 item (Please note it is just a reference as it is not possible to investigate)
Kou-Cho-Gen-Pou / 1 item (for reference only)
Others - there are total 1kg, which is including the previous civil era and other various coins of the late modern period.
It has rusty, dirty and tarnish, as the years has passed on this product.

修正後
Nagano Winter Olympic Games Second / Unused coin / 1 item (itemは品目に近いから、個数はpieceのほうがいいのでは。　以下同です）
Ine 50 Sen, Silver coins, Year-40 of Meiji / 1 items　（同上。それと一個なのにitemsと複数になっている）
These can be seen unused one　（複数だからonesでしょう） with some small scratch - only by my view
Tempo Tsu-ho / 1 item
The Republic of China Year-3 / 1 item (Please note it is just a reference as it is not possible to investigate)
Kou-Cho-Gen-Pou / 1 item (for reference only)
Others - there are total （of が必要では？）1kg （of・・・と対象物がなければ次の関係代名詞whichが使えない）, which is （多分複数形となるでしょう）including the previous civil era and other various coins of the late modern period.（この文章がわかりにくい）
It has rusty　（は形容詞で、名詞ならrustです。それと雑多なコインがなぜ単数の形であらわされる？）, dirty and tarnish, as the years has　（yearsという複数がなぜ has という単数形の完了形をとるのですか）passed on this product.
これはややむつかしいですが、the years の the　はいりません。特定された歳月ではないからです。

元の翻訳
HI everyone, this is Hanako, the member.

It is raining a lot and getting hotter in Japan because of an effect of seasonal change.

When this season passes, the summer will come and new animation will start!

I personally thinking about watching following programs.

・animation
・Free!

I also like Kyoto animation 'Free!' as well as animation.

The Kyoto animation has been an animation of girls on center,
but this time, it seems spotting on boys of swimming club,.... Ah-!
Can't wait til July.

Anyway, I have an announcement for all of you.

修正後
HI everyone, this is Hanako, the member.　（これなら一人だけ限定された一人で、one of the members of our group　とすべきでしょうが、このごろではどうでもいいのかもしれません。）

It is raining a lot and getting hotter in Japan because of an （これはthe charasteristic と思います）effect of seasonal change.

When this season passes (goes) , （the） （これは不要（多分？）、限定された夏というのでしたらof 1998 とか）　summer will come and new animation will start!

I （動詞が抜けているam) rpesonally thinking about watching (the) following programs.

・animation
・Free!

I also like Kyoto animation 'Free!' as well as animation.

The Kyoto animation has been an animation of girls on （its ですか？文自体、あまりいいことはないと思いますが）center,
but this time, it seems spotting on boys of swimming club,.... Ah-!
Can't wait til July.

Anyway, I have an announcement for all of you.

元の翻訳
Hi everyone, it's been a long time! I'm one of the member Hanako~

Because of the season, Japan has become hot and has been raining cats and dogs.

If we get over this season, summer comes and new animes will start boardcasting!

Personally I plan to watch

・Anime
・Free!

I am really looking forward to watching not only Anime but also Free! .
Kyouto Animation has been having female characters as the title role, but it seems that Free! will be a sport anime talking about boys in swimming club...Ah, I hope July can come soon.

So again, I'm bringing new information to everyone!

修正後
Hi everyone, it's been a long time! I'm one of the member Hanako~

Because of the season, Japan has become hot and has been raining cats and dogs.
(たぶんこれでは今の季節のことを表現しているのではないと思われるでしょうから、because of this season's nature, it become sometimes very hot and it rains cats and dogs sometimes あなたの訳にそって）
↵
If　（whenだろうと思います。もし、ということはありえない。必ず夏が来ます。 we get over this season, summer comes and new animes will start （for がいるのでは？）boardcasting!

Personally I plan to watch

・Anime
・Free!

I am really looking forward to watching not only Anime but also Free! .
Kyouto （これならローマ字表現です。Kyotoです。）　Animation has been (having） (focusing onと思います）female characters as the title role, but it seems that Free! will be a sport anime （talking about）　（targettingのほうがいいです) boys in swimming club...Ah, I (wish July would comeと思います。仮定法) (hope July can come) soon.

So again, I'm bringing new information to everyone!