JeongJoon Kim (jeongjoon) — もらったレビュー

元の翻訳
Borns out from bamboo, quickly grows up as a beautiful girl, shakes suitors in turns, then leaves to the moon with the messenger who came to pick. The is the plot of The Tale Of Daketory (Bamboo-Cutter). The slogan, “Crime and punishment of the princess” gives us an unusual atmosphere. Why Kaguya Hime chose the earth from many stars? What did she thought in this planet? Why she had to leave? What was her crime? Then what was her punishment? The story approaches tightly to the truth of the ambiguous questions of the original story.

修正後
She was born from a bamboo forest, quickly grew up to a beautiful girl, turned down all the suitors coming for her , then left to the moon with the messenger who came to pick her. The is the plot of The Tale Of Daketory (Bamboo-Cutter). The slogan, “Crime and punishment of the princess” leaves us doubtful. Why Kaguya Hime chose the earth rather than other stars? What did she think about this planet? Why she had to leave? What was her crime? Then what was her punishment? The story approaches tightly to the truth of the ambiguous questions of the original story.

元の翻訳
Please press "Check Your Order" to confirm the order of the month.

When you press "Check Your Order" in 5.4, then the contents you had input will be displayed for the confirmation. If you want to modify, please press "Change Your Order."

If you want to confirm the order, please press "Send Your Order." Then you will see the completion screen and the order will be confirmed.

※ Please complete your order before the 10th of every month..
(You cannot input from 11th of the month.)

修正後
Please press "Check Your Order" to confirm the order of the month.

When you press "Check Your Order" in 5.4, then the contents you had input will be displayed for confirmation. If you want to modify, please press "Change Your Order."

If you want to confirm the order, please press "Send Your Order." Then you will see the completion screen and the order will be confirmed.

※ Please complete your order before the 10th of every month.
(You cannot input from 11th of the month.)

元の翻訳
We finished our internal review according to your business plan. However, unfortunately we concluded that we process further investment.

The reasons are vary that we cannot process the investment and please consider that we make wrong decisions sometimes since we are also one of the customers. Please continue your business with your first faith and will of your business. We wish your healthful success in a distance.

修正後
We have completed our internal review on the business plan that we have received. Unfortunately, we have conclude that we are unable to proceed with further investment.

There are various reasons to why we are unable to proceed with our investments. As our company is one of your customers as well, we had considered that we may have made a wrong judgement. Because of this, it is our wish that your business will develop well encompassing your initial faith and will. Even from afar, we wish that your business will prosper and be in good health.

元の翻訳
Sorry for the late contact.

For the question regarding returning fee, I researched and found the answer myself. The problem is solved.

For the case of damaged product, since I did not get it yet, I will check it out as soon as I get it.

Thank you very much.

修正後
Sorry for the late contact.

For the question regarding returning fee, I researched and found the answer myself. The problem is solved.

For the case of damaged product, since I haven't got it yet, I will check it out as soon as I get it.

Thank you very much.