Ashish Joshi (ashishjoshi) — 付けたレビュー

元の翻訳
You told me that students can get a 20% discount if they sign up for the American Express campaign down below, but wouldn't it be possible to get a special discount on top of that?

I was hoping that I could get a 35% discount for all the students on the transfer fees.↵
If there is anything you want to request for that please let me know.

I'm looking forward to a pleasant reply from you.

Thank you.

修正後
Students can get a 20% discount if they sign up for the American Express campaign (below given URL). 　I will convey this to students but would it be possible to get some additional special discount?

I wish to get a 35% discount on the transfer fees for all the students.↵
Please let me know your expectation.

I'm looking forward to a favorable reply from you.

Thank you.

元の翻訳
Then please send me A's spare motor.
In case the trouble might not fix, I will order another A just in case.
Please find attached PDF, which includes the new order.
Please send all ordered items as soon as possible, including the missing items in the previous orders.
Post them by Tuesday at the latest.
↵
This guitar is a fake. Please accept a return.↵
I will send you back the guitar and its case.↵
Please refund the postal fee $43 and the item price $799.99 when you receive it.↵
After the above is done, I will turn down the claim to Paypal.

修正後
Then please send me A's spare motor.
(Well, please send me a motor of A for the replacement)↵
{Reason for correction - Actually machine is in breakdown. Spare motor can be ordered even when the machine is not in breakdown}.↵
↵
In case the trouble might not fix, I will order another A just in case.
(I am ordering one more A for the back up, in case changing the motor doesn't fix the issue.)↵
{Reason - I 'will' order means that the person may order now or may be in future. But as new order is attached, it is better to write that I am ordering. This clarifies that the person is ordering now.}↵
↵
Please find attached PDF, which includes the new order.
(Please find attached PDF for the new order)↵
{Reason - If you mention 'includes', it means that other than the new order, there is something else too in the attachment}↵
↵
Please send all ordered items as soon as possible, including the missing items in the previous orders.
(Please send all ordered items as soon as possible, including the remaining items of the previous order)
{Reason - If you use the word 'missing', it is not clear to the readers whether the delivery was not complete for the previous order or some items were lost. So if all the items were not there without any information, then you may use 'missing'. In case, you had the information that order is not complete, you should use 'remaining'.}↵