yurixlily — もらったレビュー

元の翻訳
Many people of japanese take a long vacation in the middle of August.↵
According to saying that someone told me, some of them are taking the vacation for nine days, some even take fourteen days!↵
In that time, we japanese are going back to our home cities, like own home city and their wife's home sity.↵
The grandparents can be very happy since they can see their children.

Because everyone going back to home city or traveling at the same time, airplane or Shinkansen are always super crowded at that time.↵
There can be a so heavy traffic jam on the highway, I really get sick of that.
If foreigner come to japan, it will better not to come here in the middle of August.

You are learning japanese! I'm gonna learn English, too.

修正後
Many Japanese take long vacations in the middle of August. I hear that some take nine days and some even take fourteen days! During that time, we Japanese go back to our hometowns, as well as our spouses' ones. Grandparents are very happy to see their grandchildren back.

Because everyone goes back to hometown or travel at the same time, flights or Shinkansen are always super crowded at that time. There are heavy traffic jam dozens of kilometers long on highways, I really get sick of that.
If foreigners come to Japan, it may be better to avoid the middle of August.

You are learning Japanese! I'm going to learn English, too.

元の翻訳
Please ship us "A" products.
When you ship, let me know a tracking number.↵
And, please refund me approproate price since you can't prepare lacking products.
Thank you in advance.

修正後
Please ship us product A.
Could you let me know the tracking number when you ship?↵
Also, since you can't prepare lacking products, please refund me the appropriate price .
Thank you in advance.