翻訳者レビュー ( 日本語 → 英語 )

日本語

N計画を担当していたA社から、添付の覚書を締結したい旨の依頼がございました。まずあなたに契約と覚書をレビューしてもらい、助言が頂きたいです。その上で、あなたとA社のBさんとで直接交渉をして頂きたいです。当方としては、以下の理由から、覚書の締結を拒否したいと考えております。

①工場の潜在的損傷について
　実際の操業がA社により行われていた以上、工場の潜在的損傷について当社が責任を負うのは不当だと考えております。また、当社は設備撤去の際、A社の指示に基づき多くの補修工事を実施済みです

英語

There was the request of execution attached Memorandum from Company A in charge of the plan N. We would like you to talk face-to-face after you review the agreement and Memorandum and advice us first. We would like to refuse the execution of Memorandum because of following reason.

①With respect to the potential harm of the plant
Since Company A actually carried out the operation, it is considered unreasonable that Company is liable with respect to the potential harm of the plant. Also, in the case of facilities removal, Company,it has been exercised much repair construction under instructions of Company A.

レビュー ( 1 )

susumu-fukuharaはこの翻訳結果を"★★★★"と評価しました 2014/05/21 07:31:23

元の翻訳
There was the request of execution attached Memorandum from Company A in charge of the plan N. We would like you to talk face-to-face after you review the agreement and Memorandum and advice us first. We would like to refuse the execution of Memorandum because of following reason.

①With respect to the potential harm of the plant
Since Company A actually carried out the operation, it is considered unreasonable that Company is liable with respect to the potential harm of the plant. Also, in the case of facilities removal, Company,it has been exercised much repair construction under instructions of Company A.

修正後
We had the request of execution with attached Memorandum from Company A in charge of the plan N. We would like you to talk face-to-face after you review the agreement and Memorandum and advice us first. We would like to refuse the execution of Memorandum because of following reason.

①With respect to the potential harm of the plant
Since Company A actually carried out the operation, it is considered unreasonable that Company is liable with respect to the potential harm of the plant. Also, as for facilities removal, it has been exercised much repair construction under instructions of Company A.

英語自体は問題ないと思いますが、全体的にやや冗長となっている印象を受けます。～に感してについてはwith respect toも間違いではありませんが、regardingやas forも商用文ではよく使われます。名詞句より動詞をもっと使うとより読みやすい文章になると思います。例えば冒頭の文章をWe had あるいはWe receivedに変えるとかです。用語自体は正確に捉えているのであとは相手に読みやすい文章を心がけてください。