翻訳者レビュー ( 日本語 → 英語 )

日本語

N計画を担当していたA社から、添付の覚書を締結したい旨の依頼がございました。まずあなたに契約と覚書をレビューしてもらい、助言が頂きたいです。その上で、あなたとA社のBさんとで直接交渉をして頂きたいです。当方としては、以下の理由から、覚書の締結を拒否したいと考えております。

①工場の潜在的損傷について
　実際の操業がA社により行われていた以上、工場の潜在的損傷について当社が責任を負うのは不当だと考えております。また、当社は設備撤去の際、A社の指示に基づき多くの補修工事を実施済みです

英語

We have a request from A which is in charge of N plan in order to conclude the memorandum.
To begin with it, we would like to ask you a review and advice about the contracts and the memorandum.
On the basis, we would like you directly to negotiate with Mr B from A company. For the following reasons, we have to decline the conclusion of the memorandum.

1. The Potential Damage Of The Factory
As long as the operation of the factory is under the direction of A company, we must not be have the legal responsibility to the compensation for the potential damage of the factory. Also, in the uninstallation the most of the repair work under the direction of A company was compiled with the code.

レビュー ( 1 )

susumu-fukuharaはこの翻訳結果を"★★★"と評価しました 2014/05/21 07:53:40

元の翻訳
We have a request from A which is in charge of N plan in order to conclude the memorandum.
To begin with it, we would like to ask you a review and advice about the contracts and the memorandum.
On the basis, we would like you directly to negotiate with Mr B from A company. For the following reasons, we have to decline the conclusion of the memorandum.

1. The Potential Damage Of The Factory
As long as the operation of the factory is under the direction of A company, we must not be have the legal responsibility to the compensation for the potential damage of the factory. Also, in the uninstallation the most of the repair work under the direction of A company was compiled with the code.

修正後
We had a request from company A which is in charge of N plan in order to conclude the attached memorandum.
To begin with , we would like to ask you for a review and advice about the contracts and the memorandum.
On the basis, we would like you directly to negotiate with Mr B from A company. For the following reasons, we have to decline the conclusion of the memorandum.

1. The Potential Damage Of The Factory
As long as the operation of the factory is under the direction of A company, we are not liable for the compensation for the potential damage of the factory. Also, as to the removal the most of the repair work was carried out under the direction of A company.

英文自体は読みやすいのですが、商用文として通用するには若干正確な用語を身につける必要があります。「添付の」はattachedが多用されます。今回の翻訳範囲では理由は一つでしたが、「下記の理由」をfollowing reasonsとしたのは無難な訳です。（多くの場合は理由は一つではありませんから）。タイトルのThe Potential Damage of The Factoryは簡潔でいいです。私ならRegarding the potential damage of the factoryとしますが。法的責任があるはbe liable forが用いられます。法的損害責任としてはliabilityももうひとりの翻訳者の例のように使われます。用語についてはもうひとりの翻訳者がきちんと訳してくれていますので、参考にしてください。

[masawirry]

丁寧な添削有り難うございます。ご指摘頂いた点、明瞭になりました。商用文の知識を少しずつ付けて行きたいと思います。