翻訳者レビュー ( 日本語 → 英語 )

備考: 日本のアニメのキャラクターの紹介文です

日本語

Makotoは、心配性だけど優しいお兄さんです。

彼はHarukaの親友であり、彼の声に出さない思いや考えを察する事が出来ます。

ですが水がある場所にすぐ飛び込もうとする彼に振り回される事も多く、気苦労が絶えない人です。

ですがその「Harukaを理解し、優しく見守る」所が彼の魅力だと私は感じます。

彼は傍にいるHarukaやNagisaだけではなく、違う学校にいるRinをも心配しています。

怖がりな所もありますが、他のメンバーより大人びているので、良いまとめ役として信頼されています。

英語

Makoto is quite a natural worrier but also happens to be a kind person.
He is a good friend of Haruka, who is able to feel thoughts and emotions of his without the use of words.
However, she must admit that she is constantly under stress as he never stops himself from diving in to any pool of water he sees.
But what I like about him is how he is always able to "understand and watch over" Haruka.
Not only is he concerned about Haruka and Nagisa, but also Rin, who goes to a different school.
Albeit he sometimes is a little cowardly, he is also quite matured and so the others do feel rather happy to trust and rely on him.

レビュー ( 1 )

googlybearはこの翻訳結果を"★★★"と評価しました 2013/07/21 18:00:10

元の翻訳
Makoto is quite a natural worrier but also happens to be a kind person.
He is a good friend of Haruka, who is able to feel thoughts and emotions of his without the use of words.
However, she must admit that she is constantly under stress as he never stops himself from diving in to any pool of water he sees.
But what I like about him is how he is always able to "understand and watch over" Haruka.
Not only is he concerned about Haruka and Nagisa, but also Rin, who goes to a different school.
Albeit he sometimes is a little cowardly, he is also quite matured and so the others do feel rather happy to trust and rely on him.

修正後
Makoto is a worrier, but he’s a kind person.
He is a good friend of Haruka. He understands Haruka even though Haruka doesn’t express his thoughts or emotions.
Makoto gets worried a lot because Haruka tries to jump in any pool of water that he sees.
What I like about him is how can always understand and keep a close eye on Haruka.
He’s not only concerned about Haruka and Nagisa, who are always with him, but he’s also concerned about Rin who attends a different school.
Albeit he is sometimes a little cowardly, he is quite mature compared to the others. He is a good mediator, so others rely on him.

The translation is confusing in some parts because of the pronoun mistakes. (Haruka, Nagisa and Makoto are boys.) The third sentence was translated incorrectly.

[cheekytwat96]

Hey thanks for the review.
I'll take your points into account. But I'm not overly convinced with you mentioning that I haven't translated the third sentence correctly?

I must admit I don't really get the context of it, but leaving minor errors or perhaps a few concerns about style, would you explain what exactly the problem is?

And well, I'm also not really convinced with the way you've put a few lines; I personally reckon it doesn't make it flow, if you know what I mean.
Say, the last part, "He is a good mediator.." It just sounds like a blank and a direct translation of the original line.

Well, appreciate it anyways.

[googlybear]

Hey there. :) I watch the anime, that's why I edited it the way I know the character.
About the third sentence, based on the anime, it's Haruka who suddenly jumps into a pool of water, and not Makoto. In your translation, it's hard to understand who did what action.
I agree with your thoughts about the "good mediator". I thought it was literal of me to edit it that way now that I think back on it.
Thank you for your feedback on my review. I really appreciate it. I will take note of what you have said in the future. :)

[cheekytwat96]

Thanks for the reply!
Oh I see, then I suppose you've got better knowledge than me upon this matter.

Hmm, then well I suppose I misunderstood the original sentence......I thought Haruka was a girl, in which the 彼 in the sentence seemed to refer to Makoto :/
I guess I got muddled up there, but I got it now.

Once again, thanks for helping me out :)