Translator Reviews ( Japanese → English )

Japanese

この度は当店の商品をご購入いただきありがとうございました。

日本の祝日のため、ご連絡が遅くなってしまい申し訳ありません。

こちらの商品の在庫を確認いたしましたところ、新品の商品ではありますが、
店頭展示品のため商品にややスレがある商品となってしまいますがよろしいでしょうか…？

お返事お待ちしています。
よろしくお願いいたします。

English

Thank you for purchasing at my store this time.

I'm sorry to reply you late due to Japanese holidays.

I checked the stock of these items, and I have new, but would it be all right that it was displayed on counter and it has a little friction mark?

We are looking forward to hearing from you.
Thank you.

Reviews ( 1 )

jyebaba rated this translation result as ★★★ 22 Sep 2015 at 10:36

original
Thank you for purchasing at my store this time.

I'm sorry to reply you late due to Japanese holidays.

I checked the stock of these items, and I have new, but would it be all right that it was displayed on counter and it has a little friction mark?

We are looking forward to hearing from you.
Thank you.

corrected
Thank you for your recent purchase our product.

I'm sorry for the late reply as it currently is a holiday in Japan.

I checked the stock of this item, and I do have a new one. But, since it was on display, it shows a little evidence of wear. Is that all right with you?

We are looking forward to hearing from you.
Thank you.↵
↵

Good job. I have recommended a few changes that will boost the readability of your translation. I will provide a (hopefully) detailed explanation of what I felt was the area that could use the most improvement.

"a little friction mark" → "shows a little evidence of wear"
I understand that if you input スレ into an online dictionary, the word that pops out most of the time is "friction mark". However, the word "scuff" would probably be a more fitting direct translation of the word. When I hear "friction mark", the image that comes to mind is a mark that results from intense rubbing or chafing--something highly unlikely to result from being left on display in a showcase!
At any rate, I would still suggest using the phrase "shows a little evidence of wear" because it sounds more professional than saying that your product is a little scuffed. :)