翻訳者レビュー ( 日本語 → 英語 )

日本語

お忙しいところをお時間をいただきまして、大変感謝しております。
(先日の打ち合わせでのお話にありました、)ニュースレター配信していただくためのコンサートの内容として、◯会社の方からの推薦文をお送りいたします。
ネイティヴに翻訳していただきましたが、一応ご確認いただけましたら、大変ありがたく思います。
また、当日のプログラムにはこの推薦文のドイツ語、日本語と、協力◯を載せていただけますでしょうか。
11月にお会いできますことを心より楽しみにしております。
どうぞよろしくお願いいたします。

英語

I am very grateful to you for taking up your time when you are busy.
(From our discussion in the meeting the other day) For the concert details that is to be distributed in the newsletter, I have received the introductory draft from the staff at ◯ company.
Although I already had it translated by the natives, if I can somehow get confirmation from you, I would be very grateful.
Also, for the programme on that day, can I have you to include the german and japanese version of this introductory draft, together with the collaboration of ◯.
I sincerely look forward to meeting you in November.
Thank you very much.

レビュー ( 1 )

jyebabaはこの翻訳結果を"★★"と評価しました 2015/09/30 18:04:24

元の翻訳
I am very grateful to you for taking up your time when you are busy.
(From our discussion in the meeting the other day) For the concert details that is to be distributed in the newsletter, I have received the introductory draft from the staff at ◯ company.
Although I already had it translated by the natives, if I can somehow get confirmation from you, I would be very grateful.
Also, for the programme on that day, can I have you to include the german and japanese version of this introductory draft, together with the collaboration of ◯.
I sincerely look forward to meeting you in November.
Thank you very much.

修正後
I am very grateful to you for allowing me to take up your time despite your busy schedule.
(From our discussion in the meeting the other day) I am sending the testimonial from ◯ company for the concert details that are to be distributed in the newsletter.
Although I already had it translated by native speakers, I would be very grateful if you would check it for me, just to be sure.
Also, for the programme on that day, can I have you include the German and Japanese version of this testimonial together with the collaboration of ◯?
I sincerely look forward to meeting you in November.
Thank you very much.

Just a few things to note:

1. 推薦文 = testimonial, not introductory draft.
2. お送りいたします is the humble form (謙譲語) of 送る. So in this letter, the speaker is politely telling the reader that he/she is sending the testimonial.
3. Please be sure to double-check the capitalization of words such as German and Japanese.
4. "translated by the natives" is phrased awkwardly. Perhaps you intended to convey something along the lines of "translated by native speakers"?
5. Finally, please pay proper attention to your sentence order. Directly translating sentences in the same order they appear in Japanese often yields strange-sounding English. Sometimes it helps to just reread your English prior to submitting it. If it sounds strange at all to you at the time, it's definitely going to sound strange to the reader as they probably doesn't understand a lick of Japanese ;)