翻訳者レビュー ( 日本語 → 英語 )
評価: 50 / 1 Review / 2015/09/21 13:40:36
当社で在庫していたER01を1週間程前に販売しましたが、
届けて直ぐにお客様から初期不良のクレームが届きました。
不具合の状況を説明します。
スライダーを低速で作動させた時にスムーズに動かず、カクカクとした感じになります。
（コントローラーの3つ目の目盛のあたりまで）
ただし一方向のみです。スムーズに動かない方向は何かの拍子に入れ変わります。
お客様から動画も送ってもらいました。
添付したので確認お願いします。
不良箇所を断定できますか？
パーツ交換で対応できますか？
対応策を教えて下さい。
ER01, the product that this company is stocking, started selling about a week ago but, soon after delivery we began to receive claims of initial defects from customers.
We will explain the flawed condition.
The slider did not move smoothly when moved at a slow speed, but instead felt jerky.
(Until the 3rd point on the controller's scale)
However, that was only in one direction. It does not move smoothly in that direction unless it is changed by some kind of rhythm.
We have received videos from customers.
As they were attachments, we will verify them.
Can you conclude what the defective point is?
Can you support us with replacement parts?
Please show us your countermeasure.
レビュー ( 1 )
元の翻訳
ER01, the product that this company is stocking, started selling about a week ago but, soon after delivery we began to receive claims of initial defects from customers.
We will explain the flawed condition.
The slider did not move smoothly when moved at a slow speed, but instead felt jerky.
(Until the 3rd point on the controller's scale)
However, that was only in one direction. It does not move smoothly in that direction unless it is changed by some kind of rhythm.
We have received videos from customers.
As they were attachments, we will verify them.
Can you conclude what the defective point is?
Can you support us with replacement parts?
Please show us your countermeasure.
修正後
About a week ago, we started selling ER01, a product that our company had been keeping in stock. But soon after delivery, we began to receive claims of initial defects from customers.
We will explain the flawed condition.
The slider did not move smoothly when moved at a slow speed, but instead felt jerky.
(Until the 3rd point on the controller's scale)
However, it was only in one direction. For some reason, it switches into the direction that it does not move smoothly in.
We have received videos from customers.
We have attached these videos, so please verify the aforementioned claims.
Are you able to determine the precise part that is not working properly?
Can you provide us with replacement parts?
Please tell us how you will address this issue.
I think this translation could use some work. I'll explain my 3 main points of concern below.
"by some kind of rhythm." → "for some reason."
You are correct in saying that "拍子" means rhythm, beat, cadence, etc., however, you should also take the context in which this word is used into consideration. "何かの拍子に" is a phrase that shows that the speaker does not know the reason for which something happened. Typically this is translated as "somehow or another" (as in "my headphones broke somehow or another) or "for some reason" (as in "my speakers stopped working for some reason")."As they were attachments, we will verify them." → "We have attached these videos, so please verify the aforementioned claims."
I believe that the author is not asking to verify the videos, but rather asking the reader to view the videos and verify the claims from his/her customers. The "verifying" is to be done by the reader, not by the author ;)"show us your countermeasure" → "tell us how you will address this issue"
This is an instance where simply using the words that appear in your dictionary will make your translation sound unnatural. "教える" = "to tell or inform". Also, "countermeasure" is not typically a word that would be used in this context even though it does appear when you input the word "対応策" into a dictionary.
Since you are a native speaker, producing natural-sounding sentences should not be an issue for you! It certainly is easy to fall into the trap of directly translating words without paying much attention how the translation sounds as a whole. Just be sure to reread your translation before submitting it :)
Aside from the unnatural use of English, this translation contains issues that cause the meaning of the produced text to deviate from the original text. As such, I cannot give you a positive review at this time.
Thank you for taking the time to correct this for me! I totally understand the lack of a positive review, since I noticed some of my mistakes that you also pointed out when I was reading how other people had translated the article in question. I especially appreciate your explanation of 拍子. It wasn't making any sense to me as it was, but I wasn't sure how to make the sentence work with the definition I had. Thank you so much. :)
No problem. Manipulating your words to match the meaning of the original text while also producing a smooth-sounding sentence is the art of translation! Trust your instincts and don't let those direct translations distract your thinking :)