翻訳者レビュー ( 日本語 → 英語 )
評価: 50 / ネイティブ タイ語 / 1 Review / 2015/01/06 21:45:54
はじめまして。XのCEOのYと申します。
我々は学生からプロまで「映画が撮れる品質のカメラ」のアクセサリーを販売しております。最近は特にBMPCCに力を入れています。御社の製品はまさに我々のコンセプトに叶うもので、是非お取り扱いさせて下さい。
日本の代理店は、この分野に積極的ではなく市場に余り出回っていません。我々はセールス・プロモーションの分野に於ける実績は長く、御社の日本代理店として新たな開拓者になりたいと願っております。
良きご返答を期待しております、宜しくお願い致します。
Greetings,
My name is Y, CEO of X; I am pleased to make your acquaintance.
Our company sells accessories for "quality cameras that can film a movie" for students to professionals. Currently, we are focusing our efforts toward BMPCC. The products of your company are truly capable of realizing the concept mentioned earlier; hence, we would like to ask you to let us be the agents handling your products.
In Japan, there are not many agencies dealing with this field, and the market is still small. Our company has a long history of achievements of sales promotion, and we hope to become the pioneer as your company's distributor.
We eagerly await for your reply.
Sincerely,
X
レビュー ( 1 )
元の翻訳
Greetings,
My name is Y, CEO of X; I am pleased to make your acquaintance.
Our company sells accessories for "quality cameras that can film a movie" for students to professionals. Currently, we are focusing our efforts toward BMPCC. The products of your company are truly capable of realizing the concept mentioned earlier; hence, we would like to ask you to let us be the agents handling your products.
In Japan, there are not many agencies dealing with this field, and the market is still small. Our company has a long history of achievements of sales promotion, and we hope to become the pioneer as your company's distributor.
We eagerly await for your reply.
Sincerely,
X
修正後
Greetings,
My name is Y, CEO of X.
Our company sells accessories for "cameras that can film a movie" from students to professionals. Currently, we are focusing our efforts to BMPCC. ↵
The products of your company match our concept, so please let us handle your products.
In Japan, there are not many agencies dealing with this field, and the market is still small. Our company has a long history with achievements of sales promotion, and we would like to become the pioneer as your company's distributor.
We eagerly await for your reply.
Yours sincerely,
X
Pardon me, I admit my mistakes, but 品質 is present in the original text, and "quality cameras" is grammatically correct.
"I am pleased to make your acquaintance" was added because I felt Greetings was not enough for はじめまして but formal English letter should not start with "Nice to meet you" before a proper greeting. (自分勝手だと認めます)
I also believe that towards is more appropriate than to in this situation.
Lastly, "Sincerely," is an appropriate ending, and I chose it our "Yours sincerely," because it felt more business-like.
I know my translation is flawed, but I do think 3 stars is a bit too harsh for differences in styles.
I implore you to be more open about writing styles, as a fellow translator; however, if you believe that your style is the most appropriate for this type of text, please tell me so that I can improve myself.
Thank you for your inputs.