翻訳者レビュー ( 日本語 → 英語 )

備考: 海外でおこなわれたファッションショーとteapartyについての記事です。少しテンション高めで興奮気味な感じでありつつ、３０代の女性が書いている雰囲気にしたいです。
ヨーロッパのお客様も多いので、イギリス寄りの英語を意識していただけると嬉しいです。
文中アルファベット”A"はグループ名、”B”はイベントの名前、”C”はブランド名、”D"は場所名、"E"は人の名前、"F"は洋服のブランド名、”G”は人の名前、”H”は人の名前、"I"は人の名前です。

日本語

ロンドンで開催される"A"主催のイベント"B"に参加の為ロンドン行ってきました


ショー前日、最終確認も兼ねてショーのコーディネートをホテルでパシャパシャ

１体だけでなく全体のバランスを考えながら、日本陣営と画像相談しながらみんなで最終決定

ショー当日

全部ハンドキャリーにして一番の大変だった事が発生
会場周辺道路が工事していて会場入り口より数メートル先でタクシー下ろされた事

自分の手の本数と荷物の量が合わなくて困っていたら、通りがかったイベント関係の可愛い子達が皆で手伝ってくれた

皆優しい

英語

I went to London in order to involve B which A hold there.

A day before the show, I go over the coordinate of the show in the hotel ,combined with final confirmation.

We all made a decision of that while we were thinking the balance of the show on the whole.

On the very day of the show.

The most painful things happened because we change everything to carrying by hand.
I was gotten down at the point in the front of hotel by several meter because the place around the hotel was under control.
The cute girls who passed by me gave me help when I had a trouble that my hand was not enough to have amount of the baggage.

All of them were kind.

レビュー ( 1 )

[削除済みユーザ]はこの翻訳結果を"★★"と評価しました 2014/04/17 13:50:06

元の翻訳
I went to London in order to involve B which A hold there.

A day before the show, I go over the coordinate of the show in the hotel ,combined with final confirmation.

We all made a decision of that while we were thinking the balance of the show on the whole.

On the very day of the show.

The most painful things happened because we change everything to carrying by hand.
I was gotten down at the point in the front of hotel by several meter because the place around the hotel was under control.
The cute girls who passed by me gave me help when I had a trouble that my hand was not enough to have amount of the baggage.

All of them were kind.

修正後
I went to London in order to involve [verb] B which A hold [tense] there.

A day before the show, I go over [tense] the coordinate [parts of speech] of the show in the hotel, combined with final confirmation.

We all made a decision of [proposition] that while we were thinking [proposition] the balance of the show on the whole.

On the very day of the show [fragment].

The most painful things happened because we change [tense] everything to carrying by hand.
I was gotten down at the point in the front of [article] hotel by several meter [singular/plural] because the place around the hotel was under control [incomprehensible].
The cute girls who passed by me gave me help when I had a trouble that my hand was not enough to have amount of the baggage [awkward].

All of them were kind.

This translation contains several ESL issues.