Translator Reviews ( English → Japanese )

English

商品の購入につきましてご質問がございます。
はじめてメールをさせて頂きます。
少しお聞きしたいのですが、御社で販売されている（○○）は日本に発送できますか？
また、まとめ買いによる割引はございますか？
ご連絡いただければ幸いです。よろしくお願い申し上げます。

Japanese

I have an inquirely about the product


I mail you for the first time

I want you to ask,
could you send the ○○ which you selling ,send to japan?

And could I get some discount if I buy a lot?

I am looking foward to hearing from you.


Sincerely.

Reviews ( 2 )

[deleted user] rated this translation result as ★★★ 03 Jun 2015 at 23:32

original
I have an inquirely about the product


I mail you for the first time

I want you to ask,
could you send the ○○ which you selling ,send to japan?

And could I get some discount if I buy a lot?

I am looking foward to hearing from you.


Sincerely.

corrected
I have an inquirely about the product
inquirely→inquiry

I mail you for the first time

I want you to ask,
これだと、あなたに聞いてほしいことになります。↵
I want to ask youが正しいです。↵
さらに、want でなくwould likeの方が、ぶっきらぼうな感じがしなくて良い気がします。↵
↵
could you send the ○○ which you selling ,send to japan?↵
sendがダブっていますので、あとのsendは不要です。↵
また、which you selling →which you are sellingですね。

And could I get some discount if I buy a lot?

I am looking foward to hearing from you.


Sincerely.

ちょっとしたタイプミス程度の修正しか見つかりませんでした。とても良いと思います。

nearlynative rated this translation result as ★★★ 09 Jun 2015 at 15:55

original
I have an inquirely about the product


I mail you for the first time

I want you to ask,↵
could you send the ○○ which you selling ,send to japan?

And could I get some discount if I buy a lot?

I am looking foward to hearing from you.


Sincerely.

corrected
I have an inquirely regarding purchase of your product.


I am emailing you for the first time

I wanted to ask if the ○○ which you sell can be sent to Japan.

Furthermore, do you discounts for large orders?

I am looking foward to hearing from you.


Sincerely.

取引に関するメッセージとしては、全体的に言い回しが不適切な感じがします。