前田　渚 (myra) — もらったレビュー

元の翻訳
I have an inquirely about the product


I mail you for the first time

I want you to ask,↵
could you send the ○○ which you selling ,send to japan?

And could I get some discount if I buy a lot?

I am looking foward to hearing from you.


Sincerely.

修正後
I have an inquirely regarding purchase of your product.


I am emailing you for the first time

I wanted to ask if the ○○ which you sell can be sent to Japan.

Furthermore, do you discounts for large orders?

I am looking foward to hearing from you.


Sincerely.

元の翻訳
I have an inquirely about the product


I mail you for the first time

I want you to ask,
could you send the ○○ which you selling ,send to japan?

And could I get some discount if I buy a lot?

I am looking foward to hearing from you.


Sincerely.

修正後
I have an inquirely about the product
inquirely→inquiry

I mail you for the first time

I want you to ask,
これだと、あなたに聞いてほしいことになります。↵
I want to ask youが正しいです。↵
さらに、want でなくwould likeの方が、ぶっきらぼうな感じがしなくて良い気がします。↵
↵
could you send the ○○ which you selling ,send to japan?↵
sendがダブっていますので、あとのsendは不要です。↵
また、which you selling →which you are sellingですね。

And could I get some discount if I buy a lot?

I am looking foward to hearing from you.


Sincerely.