Translator Reviews ( Korean → English )

Korean

보내주신 사업계획서를 바탕으로 내부적인 검토과정을 거쳤으나, 아쉽게도 본 투자 건에 대한 추가 검토 진행은 힘들다고 결론이 나게 되었습니다.

저희가 투자를 진행하지 못하는 이유는 다양하고, 저희도 고객 중의 하나에 불과하기 때문에 판단이 틀릴 때가 있음을 고려하셔서 처음 가지셨던 믿음과 의지로 사업을 해 나가시길 바랍니다. 멀리서나마 사업 번창하시고, 건승 하시기를 응원하겠습니다.

English

We finished our internal review according to your business plan. However, unfortunately we concluded that we process further investment.

The reasons are vary that we cannot process the investment and please consider that we make wrong decisions sometimes since we are also one of the customers. Please continue your business with your first faith and will of your business. We wish your healthful success in a distance.

Reviews ( 1 )

crowley44 rated this translation result as ★★★ 31 Oct 2013 at 00:37

original
We finished our internal review according to your business plan. However, unfortunately we concluded that we process further investment.

The reasons are vary that we cannot process the investment and please consider that we make wrong decisions sometimes since we are also one of the customers. Please continue your business with your first faith and will of your business. We wish your healthful success in a distance.

corrected
We have completed our internal review on the business plan that we have received. Unfortunately, we have conclude that we are unable to proceed with further investment.

There are various reasons to why we are unable to proceed with our investments. As our company is one of your customers as well, we had considered that we may have made a wrong judgement. Because of this, it is our wish that your business will develop well encompassing your initial faith and will. Even from afar, we wish that your business will prosper and be in good health.

Can improve on the grammatical structure as expression in English is different from Korean.

[jeongjoon]

Thanks. But it would be better you remove "to" from the second paragraph. (to why -> why)
And your translation seems little far from original message in several areas. Your phrases seems more natural but I think it became too longer compared to original message.

[crowley44]

Thank you for your feedback. I will take note in future!

[paul1987]

Let me add some remarks to the corrected version.
1st paragraph:
have conclude -> have concluded

2nd paragraph:
There are various reasons .... -> There are various reasons.

The rest of the paragraph seems to be overpopulated compared to the original version.