Translator Reviews ( Japanese → English )

Additional info: 求人に応募する際に添付するカバーレターです。丁寧な表現を希望しています。よろしくお願いします。

Japanese

11月の第一週でcollegeのコースが終了するため、第二週目からはフルタイムで働けます。
私は日本のアップルプレミアムリセラーでパートタイムで10カ月間働いていました。ASTOのスコアは9000点以上保持しています。主にApple製品の販売、また水濡れや、画面割れしたiPhoneの交換作業をしていました。

8月の初めにカナダに来たため、スピーキングに自信がありません。日本で3年間働いた経験を活かし、努力します。大学時代はテコンドーをしていたので、体力に自信があります。

English

College would end by the first week of November, so I would be able to work full-time starting the second week.
I worked 10 months as a part-timer in Japan's Apple premium reseller. I am maintaining an ASTO scoring of 9000 points and above. I'm mainly selling apple products and replacing iPhone that got wet with water and or has a cracked screen.

I am arriving to Canada at the start of August and I have no confidence in speaking. I would give out my effort and make use of the experience that I have working in Japan for 3 years. I am confident with my physical fitness because I did Taekwondo in college.

Reviews ( 1 )

tokyomanly rated this translation result as ★★ 02 Sep 2013 at 13:52

original
College would end by the first week of November, so I would be able to work full-time starting the second week.
I worked 10 months as a part-timer in Japan's Apple premium reseller. I am maintaining an ASTO scoring of 9000 points and above. I'm mainly selling apple products and replacing iPhone that got wet with water and or has a cracked screen.

I am arriving to Canada at the start of August and I have no confidence in speaking. I would give out my effort and make use of the experience that I have working in Japan for 3 years. I am confident with my physical fitness because I did Taekwondo in college.

corrected
My college will end by the first week of November, so I am able to work full-time starting the second week of the month.
I worked part-time for 10 months at an Apple Premium Reseller in Japan. I maintain an Apple Sales Training Online (ASTO) score of 9,000 points or higher. I mainly sell Apple products and exchange iPhones that have gotten wet or had their screens cracked.

I am arriving in Canada at the start of August and I have no confidence in my English speaking skills. I will make the most of my three years of working experience in Japan and exert my best effort. I did taekwondo in college so I have confidence in my physical fitness.

Giving this two stars because it's obviously not written by a native so it's misleading to represent yourself that way. It contains very basic grammatical (using "would" instead of "will", "to" instead of "in") and language errors a native would not make.