翻訳者レビュー ( 日本語 → ネイティブ 英語 )

日本語

また、在庫管理や商品の出荷、お客様対応などを迅速に行う為に、
それぞれ担当者を雇いました。今後はFBAを中心にしたビジネスにします。

この機会に御社よりいただいたアドバイスを良く守り、バイヤー
にも満足していただくことによって私のビジネスを成功させて、
御社と共に末永い繁栄を築いていきたいと思います。

この度はご迷惑をおかけして、本当に申し訳ありませんでした。

もし、今回の提案に関して、満足頂けないようでしたらご指摘ください。

良いお返事が聞けることを切に願っています。

英語

In addition, to improve the speed of action for the client in terms of stock management and product shipping,
I have hired various person in charge. We will make it a business focusing on FBA in the future.

I want to make my business successful and establish a long and prosperous business between me and your company by adhering to the advises received from you and to satisfy our clients with this opportunity.

I am very sorry for the trouble that I have caused you.

If you have any dissatisfaction with the current proposal, please kindly point this out.

I hope to hear a good response from your end.

レビュー ( 1 )

[削除済みユーザ]はこの翻訳結果を"★★★"と評価しました 2014/12/06 09:00:03

元の翻訳
In addition, to improve the speed of action for the client in terms of stock management and product shipping, ↵
I have hired various person in charge. We will make it a business focusing on FBA in the future.↵
↵
I want to make my business successful and establish a long and prosperous business between me and your company by adhering to the advises received from you and to satisfy our clients with this opportunity.

I am very sorry for the trouble that I have caused you.

If you have any dissatisfaction with the current proposal, please kindly point this out.↵
↵
I hope to hear a good response from your end.

修正後
More natural: "In addition, in order to carry out inventory control, product shipping, and customer response quickly, I have hired people to oversee those respective functions. From now on my business will be focused on FBA."

More natural: "I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience I caused you."

More natural: "I very much look forward to hearing back from you."

"various person" is incorrect. It should be "various persons" or (more naturally) "various people"
"the advises" is incorrect. "To advise" is a verb, while "advice" is a noun, but uncountable. It takes a singular verb. So it should be "the advice"
These are elementary grammar errors, and your language is indicated on my screen as "Native English", so I am afraid I feel obligated to give you just three stars instead of four. Your English is also a bit unnatural throughout this piece, often being too direct a translation from the original Japanese, but that is to be expected in a light translation where one is competing against other translators to finish first.