翻訳者レビュー ( 日本語 → 英語 )

日本語

手数料について私は了解しました。
パッケージを分割して下さい。
このメールに返品用のラベルと、購入画面のスクリーンショットを添付します。
ご確認下さい。

また、ゲーム機のみを返品して下さい。
購入数量は3個ですが、2個のまま返品して構いません。
何か不明なことがあれば連絡して下さい。

英語

I have understood about the commission issue; I want you to divide the package.
I will attach a label for turning back and a screen shot taken while purchasing, so please check.

Plus, I'd like only the game console(s) to be returned.
Although 3 pcs were purchased, it is alright if only 2 of them are returned.
In case you have any unclear point, please contact me.

レビュー ( 1 )

jasmine_66はこの翻訳結果を"★★★"と評価しました 2013/12/05 12:26:01

元の翻訳
I have understood about the commission issue; I want you to divide the package.
I will attach a label for turning back and a screen shot taken while purchasing, so please check.

Plus, I'd like only the game console(s) to be returned.
Although 3 pcs were purchased, it is alright if only 2 of them are returned.
In case you have any unclear point, please contact me.

修正後
I have understood about the service fee; I want you to separate the package.
I will attach a label for returning and the purchase screenshot↵
Please confirm them.

In addition please only return the game console(s).
Although you have purchased 3 pcs , it is alright if only 2 of them are returned.
If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.

[[削除済みユーザ]]

Thanks!

[[削除済みユーザ]]

No offense, but I think some of your modifications are unnecessary or even unnatural. If you want to know in detail, please leave a comment.

[jasmine_66]

Sure! I would like to know.

[[削除済みユーザ]]

commission issue -> I don't think "service fee" is the perfect candidate, maybe "handling fee" would be better in this case. However, they (service fee, handling fee, commission) are basically the same in this context.

a label for turning back and a screen shot -> I think this part needs to be corrected as it is too colloquial and you did it well.

Please check -> No correction needed.

Plus -> No correction needed. Plus, you need to be extra careful when it comes to 'comma's. Although I think 'in addition' is still good, I felt it unnatural as it did not have a comma following after.

I'd like only the game consoles to be returned. -> No correction needed. In English, you can say like this when you want to have someone do something but still want to sound polite.

Although 3 pcs were purchased -> I think your modification here is proper.

In case you have any unclear point, please contact me -> No correction needed; I don't understand why you tried to modify this.

If you have any other idea, just let me know!

[jasmine_66]

Thank you for your comments.

1. commission issue--> I agree with you that commission fee/ handling fee is proper but "commission issue" doesn't sound natural to me, if there is any reference that proves the way you use "commission issue" is proper in this context, could you kindly show me?
2. "Please confirm them" is just a better choice of words than "please check". But it doesn't mean yours is wrong.
3. I agree with you that there should be a comma coming after "in addition". And, here is the reference for usage of plus: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/plus Please have a look at the "Usage Note" part, I think you would like to reconsider the way you use plus.
4. I agree with you "I would like only the game consoles to be returned" is correct.
5. The last one is also a better choice of words case. Although "in case" could be seen as the same as "if" in this sentence (grammatically it is correct and it is used as well), as you will find if you google it, most people use "if" rather than "in case". I believe a good translation also requires a better understanding of choosing the most appropriate word. As for "please contact me", "please feel free to contact me" may sound more polite and kinder than "please contact me".
   

Thank you for sharing different ideas.

[[削除済みユーザ]]

I appreciate your great opinion!