翻訳者レビュー ( 日本語 → 英語 )

日本語

商品の発送についてご連絡いたします。

実は、ベースに付属するフェンダーのギグケースに不具合がある事が分かりました。
新しいものを手配し発送するため、商品の発送が9/1になる予定です。
ご注文頂いたベースギター本体は新品で全く問題ありません。

お届けが遅くなり申し訳ございません。
商品を発送しトラッキングナンバーが分かりましたら、追ってご連絡いたします。

今しばらくお待ち頂きますようお願い致します。

英語

This is to inform you about shipping of the item.

Unfortunately, we have found a defect on the fender gig case which comes along the bass. As we have ordered a new one, shipping to you will be delayed until Sep.1. We apologize for the inconvenience this may cause you.

The bass guitar is brand new without any issue. We will let you know the tracking number as soon as it is available.

We appreciate your patience.

レビュー ( 1 )

premiumdotzはこの翻訳結果を"★★★"と評価しました 2013/08/30 17:45:23

元の翻訳
This is to inform you about shipping of the item.

Unfortunately, we have found a defect on the fender gig case which comes along the bass. As we have ordered a new one, shipping to you will be delayed until Sep.1. We apologize for the inconvenience this may cause you.

The bass guitar is brand new without any issue. We will let you know the tracking number as soon as it is available.

We appreciate your patience.

修正後
This is to inform you about the shipping of the item.

Unfortunately, we have found a defect on the fender gig case which comes along with the bass. We have ordered a new one, so shipping it to you would take until September 1. We apologize for the inconvenience this may cause you.

The bass guitar is brand new and has no problems. We will let you know the tracking number as soon as it is available.

Thank you for your patience.

[14pon]

Thank your for taking your time in reviewing this translation, as always.
But this time, I have an objection. The style of writing may be different from that of yours, but I don't see any problems with the corrected words and parts.
Especially, the original shipping schedule should be earlier than Sep. 1, and this mail is to inform the customer that it should be DELAYED UNTIL Sep. 1. I just modified the original text to convey their original meaning (I am just kind enough). And yet, this is what the reader of this mail would expect to read.

What's wrong with "as we have ordered ~"? I don't see any necessity to put this in "we ordered ~ , so". This "as" means "because", just in case.
"without any issue" is something learned from an American and it seems smarter for me.
And I don't see any problem with "we appreciate your patience" at all!.

[14pon]

comes along "with" the bass - for this You were right.
Writing Sep. for September is no problem as long as they have already exchanged mails. Perhaps, the full spelling of months would be desired for the first communication with somebody and for more formal statements.