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His more immediate problem is an upcoming arena battle with a noble, promised-to-be-freed fighter named Atticus. While Aurelia’s more immediate problem is the Roman Senator Corvus, come to bargain with her father, and determined to make a wife out of Aurelia who, in the words of Jean Hagen in "Singin' in the Rain," “caint staaaaaand him.”

Anyway, wouldn’t you know it, but Corvus was also in charge of the Roman battalion that slaughtered Milo’s family many many years ago. That’s the way things work in ancient cities about to get slathered in volcanic ash in movies. Kiefer Sutherland has a hell of a time playing the relentlessly villainous Corvus—you need really strong passions if you’re going to stick to your petty personal grudges even as fireballs are battering all those around you, so it stands to reason. Why Sutherland chose to filter his villainy through Boris Karloff impersonation is anyone’s guess—it’s not as if the kids are gonna get it—but what the heck, I was entertained.