Translator Reviews ( Japanese → Native English )

Additional info: 送料の交渉をしたい

Japanese

こんにちは。

最近の私の貨物量はどうですか？

始めたばかりの人に比べるとかなり多いと思う。

毎週日本に転送をかけています。

今回相談ですが

更に５％の値引きをしてくれませんか？

5%送料値段が安くなれば、今の1．５倍以上注文できるようになり、御社にとってもメリットは大きい。

是非検討をお願いします。

いつもいいサービスをありがとう。

English

Hello.

How is my latest cargo volume?

I think it's quite a lot compared to people just beginning.

I'm sending them to Japan every week.

As for what I'd like to discuss with you this time, would you be willing to give me an additional 5% discount?

If the cost of shipping lowers by 5% then I would be able to order 1.5 times more than now so it would be a huge benefit to your company.

I thank you kindly for your consideration and for always providing me with such a great level of service.

Reviews ( 1 )

richwarm rated this translation result as ★★★★ 05 Nov 2013 at 04:41

Good translation. For the most part, it reads naturally. However, the verb "to lower" can't be used intransitively, the way it's used here in the 2nd last paragraph. Instead, you could write "If you could reduce the cost of shipping by 5%, ..."

Also, the word "huge" (in the same paragraph) seems to exaggerate the benefit to the shipping company a bit more than the original Japanese text does.

[richwarm]

Sorry, the dictionary (Webster) tells me that "lower" can be used intransitively, the way it's used here, so I withdraw that comment, even though the expression sounds odd to me. Perhaps it's a usage that's relatively rare where I'm from. :-)

In the expression, "I'm sending them to Japan every week", "them" should be a reference to something mentioned explicitly previously in the message, such as "widgets" or "shipments", but there isn't anything that was mentioned earlier in the message, so "them" sounds odd here.

Regarding "latest cargo volume":
More likely, 最近の私の貨物量 is a reference to recent cargo volumes (plural), rather than just the volume of the latest shipment.