翻訳者レビュー ( 日本語 → 英語 )

日本語

最初にこの製品の日本語専用サイトを構築します。
既存の蚊避けシールに対するアドバンテージを説明し、
貴方達がウガンダへこの製品を送って多くの人々をマラリアの
危機から救っている素晴らしい実績を交えて、製品イメージを
伝えるサイトを製作します。

そのサイト内で、小売店をまず募集します。

サイトの構築ができたら、この製品を扱って欲しい日本でも有名
な小売店へ、DMを送り小売店を募集します。

また、チャンスがあれば大きな展示会への出展も検討しています。
きっと多くの小売店が見つかる筈です。

英語

First of all, we will build the website of this product in Japanese.
We will explain the advantage of the conventional anti-mosquito stickers, and we will create the website which tell the product image by telling the terrific acts that you sent this product to Uganda and saved people from malaria.

We will ask for the retail shops in the website.

After we build the website, we will ask for the retail shops which we want to sell this product in Japan by sending direct mails.

We are planning to exhibit this to the big exhibition if we have the chance.
I am sure we can find a lot of retail shops.

レビュー ( 1 )

shoheihagiwaraはこの翻訳結果を"★★★"と評価しました 2013/08/15 22:47:50

元の翻訳
First of all, we will build the website of this product in Japanese.
We will explain the advantage of the conventional anti-mosquito stickers, and we will create the website which tell the product image by telling the terrific acts that you sent this product to Uganda and saved people from malaria.

We will ask for the retail shops in the website.

After we build the website, we will ask for the retail shops which we want to sell this product in Japan by sending direct mails.

We are planning to exhibit this to the big exhibition if we have the chance.
I am sure we can find a lot of retail shops.

修正後
First of all, we will build the website for this product in Japanese.
We will explain the advantage of your produt over the conventional anti-mosquito stickers, and we will create the website which conveys the product image by telling that you are saving the people in Uganda from malaria by sending your product there.

Then in the website, we will advertise for retail shops.

After we build the website, we will try sending DMs to well-known retail shops in Japan, which we would want to have a partnership with, to see if they are interested in selling your product.

We are also planning to showcase the product at big exhibitions if we have a chance.
I am sure we can find many promissing retail shops.

いくつかの点を添削させていただきました。細かいところは割愛させていただきますが、意味が大きく異なる訳だけ以下で少し説明します。

「 the advantage of the conventional anti-mosquito stickers」だと「既存の蚊避けシールのアドバンテージ」になってしまうので、「 the advantage of your produt over the conventional anti-mosquito stickers」に変更しました。

「we will ask for the retail shops which we want to sell this product in Japan」だと「日本で製品を売り込みたい小売店を募集する」というような意味になってしまい、売り込み先が小売店になってしまいます。小売店はここでは、製品の売り込み先ではなく、製品を日本で売ってくれるパートナーとして募集する、という意味合いが強いと思うので、「 we will try sending DMs to well-known retail shops in Japan, which we would want to have a partnership with, to see if they are interested in selling your product.」としました。

コメントなどあれば、よろしくお願いいたします。